Culinary delights

Stonehaven golf course
Stonehaven golf course

This weeks topic is ... Nerves. I’ve decided this year to cast caution to the wind and just enjoy knocking my ProV1 round Stoney​ GC.

All of us at one time or another have reached the gully with the horrible realisation that we might, just might, with a bit of luck, no rising gale and providing our fags di​nn​a run oot break our handicap. Now at this point we should forget the score play exactly the same way that got us there and enjoy our partners company.

Does that happen ... No no no . All of a sudden we decide to play safe, try to steer our ball down the middle, and swing just that little bit slower. What really happens is​, our eyes ​dim and ​glaze over​, taking on the look of a drowning man​, our grip tightens to the point of steel crushing capability​.. ​What little inner compass we possess is beset with magnetic fields​ and then after taking our thirty fisth check that the ball is still o the tee we swing with all the grace and speed of an octopus falling out of a tree!​

All the joy that has filled our hearts in the preceding 12 holes is cast to the 4 winds as our ball flies with unerring accuracy over the 14th green and dives over the out of bounds marker never to be seen again.

But despair not my charitable readers there is still more to come. We rally after the disaster at 13 and with great composure manage to par 14... maybe even 15 if we can avoid decapitating the folks on the 16th medal .. all is not lost oh yea of little faith.

A solid par at 16 sees us bestride the 17th tee like a golfing colossus needing ONLY to par the last two holes to come tumbling down the ladder that is handicap.

But it only takes an idle glance to notice that what was once a gentle slope across the 3rd and 17th Fairways has now become a precipice the likes of which Sir Edmund Hillary would question tackling. The fairway has narrowed to the proportions of a Greta Garbo bodice and we are expected to take this on with gay abandon​ . The inevitable 6 follows and so we trudge wearily to 18, just as the rain comes on and our trolley battery gives up the ghost swearing we will never put ourselves through this wringer again.

I need tell none of you that there are days like these ... but remember as you put your score in for the day quietly noting that there is a net 55 in already and the CSS is dropping like a neep truck off the backies... theres always next week... next week WILL be your week. THATS why we always come back​!​

So enjoy your haggis pakora, polish up your Footjoys, fold your club jumper neatly in the airing cupboard and join us all again for the next time

On the golf course with final winter league qualifying places at stake this weekend, a few nerves would have been in evidence no doubt.

Unfortunately lack of space means we won’t itemise weekend scores but we can report all the qualifiers as follows with their carried forward score attached:

Scratch Doubles: B McGillivray/S Dempster 61.6, N Irvine/ H Roulston 63.3, W Pittendreigh/G Adamson 64.6, A Russon/K Douglas 64.7

Handicap Doubles: N MacArthur/D Henderson 57, M Halliday/S Campbell 58.7, A Barnett/T Simpson 58.9, I Wood/K Duncan 58.9

Singles (points) - S McGhie 38.9, I P Smith 37.2, G Docherty 37.0, M Ritchie 36.7, S Hutcheon 36.7, J Nowak 36.0, D Hepburn 35.7, A Darragh 35.5

Congratulations to all qualifiers and indeed to all those that have competed on various weekends over a fairly damp winter. We wish all contenders the very best of luck.

In the clubhouse we are delighted to report around 30 new playing and 20 new social members have joined up since the beginning of the year. As always we say goodbye to a few members but hope to see you all sometime soon in the not too distant future.

Remember ordinary full memberships are discounted by £100 in the first year (£395) and social memberships for non golfers are only £10 per year.

Our Neil Diamond tribute night on May 7 sold out in record time and we request all tickets are paid for by the end of March as a waiting list for tickets is now in operation.